This week in pop music
1. Saturday was the ten year anniversary of the first time I smoked pot. I don't talk to the girls anymore; when they dropped out, they dropped out hard. Mental institutions. Heroin. They've both recovered and moved back to the Northwest side, but remain unrequited crushes. I still see Dan though. He's one of the people who offered to fix my resume, and I went to a show of his on Mondays.
Sometime this weekend will be the third anniversary of the party where I met Sarah. I wonder what the last few years would've been like if either of the first two parties I'd been to that night hadn't sucked.
Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the last time I got arrested, at the first protest against the Iraq war. That night was so amazing. I sat in the jail cell, muddy, cracking jokes, a little buzzy off the Xanax someone gave me in the paddywagon and every few minutes one of the prisoners who walked by on the way to their cell would be someone I knew: a poet, a friend from school, a dj from the Wizard. It felt like we were doing something important, chanting the same chants people were chanting during Vietnam even though we'd grown up rolling our eyes at the sound of the word like Pavlovian cynics.
We took over the expressway. Ramon lost a shoe. I got the shit kicked out of me on CNN, the whole time hamming it up and yelling I am a nonviolent protester! I am not resisting arrest!
Sure you're not, asshole. Fuck you!
Ken had his day in court today for trying to keep the CIA out of NEIU, and Tristyn gets arrested on a monthly basis. I've voted against the people that voted for the war; I've spoken out against it, on the stage, on the streets, in blogs and petitions and on the radio, but I don't feel like I've done enough, even though I don't think that what Ken and Tristyn are doing is effective.
One of the jokes I told, with my face against the bars, so the prisoners against the wall could hear, as they waited to get their zipcuffs removed:
Q: How many protestors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Protestors don't change a god damn thing.
2. I unbuttoned my shirt pocket to see what the piece of paper was inside. It turned out not to be a piece of paper, but a condom promoting a TBS show called My Boys (tagline: I'm not interested in your mind). Since when do I carry around condoms in buttoned shirt pockets (especially promotional ones)?
3. I think of million dollar ideas when I'm waiting for the bus on warm nights.
3a. As I watched the taxicabs drive by, each time wondering if it would be easier to just take one than wait for the bus, I noticed that about half of them had advertisements. That's when I thought of....
Taxicab Radio
I want to start a company that makes prerecorded radio shows to play in taxis.
There's a weird law that most people don't know about, that says that if you have a store, or a restaurant, or something like that, a public place of business, if it's over a certain size you can't play cds or tapes or anything from your private music collection. It has something to do with FCC licenses. One way that smaller stores get around this is by playing the radio. Commercial radio stations are exempt because they pay their own licensing fees; noncommercial stations exempt themselves from the fees by playing a required percentage of community programming. The downside to this is that sometimes your customers will be listening to commercials and public service announcements. As a HUGE chain, Starbucks gets around this by selling Starbucks-friendly music, and playing it in store. This is good for them because it streamlines the experienvce of shopping at any one of their stores. Companies that are inbetween sizes can buy restaurant tapes (that's probably not what they're called and they probably aren't tapes anymore). Restaurant tapes hold maybe six hours of music, and are played over and over, so that even though the staff knows they repeat, the customers won't. There are all sorts of tapes, designed to affect people different ways. One restaurant's tape might encourage people to stay a long time and build up a large bill, another's might play music with a quick tempo that encourages people to eat and leave quickly.
You know how some videogames have soundtracks? One of the joys of Grand Theft Auto is that there are fake radio stations you can listen to in the cars, of a number of different genres. You can listen to hip hop, country, classic rock, alternative rock, dance and talk and each station will sound like you're listening to a really good hour of a real radio station, with (over the top) fake DJs and ads.
I'm thinking of a cross between a restaurant tape, and a whole array of realistic stations with impeccable taste. The only difference would be that the ads would be real and the DJs would be bland and minimal. Most patrons wouldn't realize they aren't listening to the radio, and they wouldn't care. If they were paying attention to the songs they'd be more inclined to like them but it wouldn't matter because either way, Sbarro or Intel or whomever could be guaranteed that they' would be subliminally getting the ad.
Check it out:
Costs:
Money to pay the cab drivers to use the tapes.
Money to get people to contact both cab drivers and prospective advertisers.
Money to make the tapes.
Money to license popular music.
Returns
Money from advertisers who want in on the deal.
Payola from record labels who want their artists hyped.
Possible Problem and Solution
No way of knowing whether the driver is playing the music or whether the tapes are being heard. Use some sort of Nielsen Box device that plays proprietary tapes/disks and broadcasts a signal back to computers at the office (this would be another cost to consider). Poll drivers with a bonus if they can show receipts for the amount of time peolpe were in the cabb and, as an incentive to companies, charge less than the cost of a radio ad in a choice city, with an option of a discounted rate for placing ads in the tapes nationwide.
It's so pervasive and obnoxious it just might make someone rich.
3b. This one took less thought, on a shorter busride, but I could really use a
Waterproof Laptop
I don't know about the rest of the world but I would have a much healthier mind if I was able to do the majority of my computering from the bathtub.
An easy way to do this would be to put a regular laptop in a clear bag but leave it open always, but that's not enough to let you use everything. We would need to hsve things like the internet, cd/dvd drives, USB hubs, and possible waterproof headphones connected wirelessly to an airtight machine with a fairly long range.The keyboard and mouse would consist of a touchscreen.
The only downside is, I can't think of how to power up the machine.
There are no wateproof laptops on the market as of right now. But a quick google search tells me that Japan's CF-Y5 laptop, which is slated to hit America's shores this year, uses a special drainage system to make it more water resistant. The future is now.
4. Despite warning myself not to, I've gone back on diet pills, this time through the legit-ish counseling of a shady doctor. They seem to be working, although I feel a bit different in social situations. Have patience with me if I start acting like a jerk or a flake, but tell me as soon as you realize it.
5. Despite two layers of fake name, my boss found my myspace page after I published an article on one of my assignments, so I have to keep worky-blogs friends-only, at least until I land something new.
There's this cute Polish girl who works at the front desk of the temp agency where I work. Everyone at the last gig was calling her a bitch but she'd always been nice to me. Then I wrote an article where I made an offhand remark about cranky Poles who looked like they'd never learned to set their VCRs. Now she's real cold to me (if only she knew I was being bigoted against old people, and not her motherland).
Piwo!
6. I don't know who I can call after midnight anymore, that will actually be awake. I need to stop hanging out with lameoid mid-twentysomethings. Where is it that nineteen-to-twenty-one year olds go to, that I can meet them at, and how much is does ot cost?
7. I'm either overpunctuating this blog, or finally beating commas into submission. Take that, commas!
8. Whenever someone asks me what type of girl I'm into, I tell them that I really like nerds and I really like sluts, and if they are a nerdy slut, all the better. I hope Sarah takes no offense at either characterization. I'm not sure if she's a nerd, slut, or both, but I really like her.
9. The job application for Urban Outfitters has a lot of questions about what I'm reading and listening too. I was trying to tweak my consumer habits so that (a) it looked like I had consumer habits and (b) I was alternately lamer and cooler than I really am. Is TV on the Radio too lame? Is Spank Rock still too underground? What other bands do I know of that real people know of? The store was playing Lily Allen... wasn't that last year? I threw in the Buzzcocks, for a wild card classic pick. I figure it would go over better than Lizzy Mercier Descloux or Liliput. Is that pandering? I just want cheap jeans.
10. Currently listening to: White noise and thunder.
Sometime this weekend will be the third anniversary of the party where I met Sarah. I wonder what the last few years would've been like if either of the first two parties I'd been to that night hadn't sucked.
Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the last time I got arrested, at the first protest against the Iraq war. That night was so amazing. I sat in the jail cell, muddy, cracking jokes, a little buzzy off the Xanax someone gave me in the paddywagon and every few minutes one of the prisoners who walked by on the way to their cell would be someone I knew: a poet, a friend from school, a dj from the Wizard. It felt like we were doing something important, chanting the same chants people were chanting during Vietnam even though we'd grown up rolling our eyes at the sound of the word like Pavlovian cynics.
We took over the expressway. Ramon lost a shoe. I got the shit kicked out of me on CNN, the whole time hamming it up and yelling I am a nonviolent protester! I am not resisting arrest!
Sure you're not, asshole. Fuck you!
Ken had his day in court today for trying to keep the CIA out of NEIU, and Tristyn gets arrested on a monthly basis. I've voted against the people that voted for the war; I've spoken out against it, on the stage, on the streets, in blogs and petitions and on the radio, but I don't feel like I've done enough, even though I don't think that what Ken and Tristyn are doing is effective.
One of the jokes I told, with my face against the bars, so the prisoners against the wall could hear, as they waited to get their zipcuffs removed:
Q: How many protestors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Protestors don't change a god damn thing.
2. I unbuttoned my shirt pocket to see what the piece of paper was inside. It turned out not to be a piece of paper, but a condom promoting a TBS show called My Boys (tagline: I'm not interested in your mind). Since when do I carry around condoms in buttoned shirt pockets (especially promotional ones)?
3. I think of million dollar ideas when I'm waiting for the bus on warm nights.
3a. As I watched the taxicabs drive by, each time wondering if it would be easier to just take one than wait for the bus, I noticed that about half of them had advertisements. That's when I thought of....
Taxicab Radio
I want to start a company that makes prerecorded radio shows to play in taxis.
There's a weird law that most people don't know about, that says that if you have a store, or a restaurant, or something like that, a public place of business, if it's over a certain size you can't play cds or tapes or anything from your private music collection. It has something to do with FCC licenses. One way that smaller stores get around this is by playing the radio. Commercial radio stations are exempt because they pay their own licensing fees; noncommercial stations exempt themselves from the fees by playing a required percentage of community programming. The downside to this is that sometimes your customers will be listening to commercials and public service announcements. As a HUGE chain, Starbucks gets around this by selling Starbucks-friendly music, and playing it in store. This is good for them because it streamlines the experienvce of shopping at any one of their stores. Companies that are inbetween sizes can buy restaurant tapes (that's probably not what they're called and they probably aren't tapes anymore). Restaurant tapes hold maybe six hours of music, and are played over and over, so that even though the staff knows they repeat, the customers won't. There are all sorts of tapes, designed to affect people different ways. One restaurant's tape might encourage people to stay a long time and build up a large bill, another's might play music with a quick tempo that encourages people to eat and leave quickly.
You know how some videogames have soundtracks? One of the joys of Grand Theft Auto is that there are fake radio stations you can listen to in the cars, of a number of different genres. You can listen to hip hop, country, classic rock, alternative rock, dance and talk and each station will sound like you're listening to a really good hour of a real radio station, with (over the top) fake DJs and ads.
I'm thinking of a cross between a restaurant tape, and a whole array of realistic stations with impeccable taste. The only difference would be that the ads would be real and the DJs would be bland and minimal. Most patrons wouldn't realize they aren't listening to the radio, and they wouldn't care. If they were paying attention to the songs they'd be more inclined to like them but it wouldn't matter because either way, Sbarro or Intel or whomever could be guaranteed that they' would be subliminally getting the ad.
Check it out:
Costs:
Money to pay the cab drivers to use the tapes.
Money to get people to contact both cab drivers and prospective advertisers.
Money to make the tapes.
Money to license popular music.
Returns
Money from advertisers who want in on the deal.
Payola from record labels who want their artists hyped.
Possible Problem and Solution
No way of knowing whether the driver is playing the music or whether the tapes are being heard. Use some sort of Nielsen Box device that plays proprietary tapes/disks and broadcasts a signal back to computers at the office (this would be another cost to consider). Poll drivers with a bonus if they can show receipts for the amount of time peolpe were in the cabb and, as an incentive to companies, charge less than the cost of a radio ad in a choice city, with an option of a discounted rate for placing ads in the tapes nationwide.
It's so pervasive and obnoxious it just might make someone rich.
3b. This one took less thought, on a shorter busride, but I could really use a
Waterproof Laptop
I don't know about the rest of the world but I would have a much healthier mind if I was able to do the majority of my computering from the bathtub.
An easy way to do this would be to put a regular laptop in a clear bag but leave it open always, but that's not enough to let you use everything. We would need to hsve things like the internet, cd/dvd drives, USB hubs, and possible waterproof headphones connected wirelessly to an airtight machine with a fairly long range.The keyboard and mouse would consist of a touchscreen.
The only downside is, I can't think of how to power up the machine.
There are no wateproof laptops on the market as of right now. But a quick google search tells me that Japan's CF-Y5 laptop, which is slated to hit America's shores this year, uses a special drainage system to make it more water resistant. The future is now.
4. Despite warning myself not to, I've gone back on diet pills, this time through the legit-ish counseling of a shady doctor. They seem to be working, although I feel a bit different in social situations. Have patience with me if I start acting like a jerk or a flake, but tell me as soon as you realize it.
5. Despite two layers of fake name, my boss found my myspace page after I published an article on one of my assignments, so I have to keep worky-blogs friends-only, at least until I land something new.
There's this cute Polish girl who works at the front desk of the temp agency where I work. Everyone at the last gig was calling her a bitch but she'd always been nice to me. Then I wrote an article where I made an offhand remark about cranky Poles who looked like they'd never learned to set their VCRs. Now she's real cold to me (if only she knew I was being bigoted against old people, and not her motherland).
Piwo!
6. I don't know who I can call after midnight anymore, that will actually be awake. I need to stop hanging out with lameoid mid-twentysomethings. Where is it that nineteen-to-twenty-one year olds go to, that I can meet them at, and how much is does ot cost?
7. I'm either overpunctuating this blog, or finally beating commas into submission. Take that, commas!
8. Whenever someone asks me what type of girl I'm into, I tell them that I really like nerds and I really like sluts, and if they are a nerdy slut, all the better. I hope Sarah takes no offense at either characterization. I'm not sure if she's a nerd, slut, or both, but I really like her.
9. The job application for Urban Outfitters has a lot of questions about what I'm reading and listening too. I was trying to tweak my consumer habits so that (a) it looked like I had consumer habits and (b) I was alternately lamer and cooler than I really am. Is TV on the Radio too lame? Is Spank Rock still too underground? What other bands do I know of that real people know of? The store was playing Lily Allen... wasn't that last year? I threw in the Buzzcocks, for a wild card classic pick. I figure it would go over better than Lizzy Mercier Descloux or Liliput. Is that pandering? I just want cheap jeans.
10. Currently listening to: White noise and thunder.
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