another 10 from *not here*
Friday, November 19, 2004
Alaskan Men
Susie's Alaskan Men to be exact
it's a catalogue/travel guide full of single Alaskan men
meant to lure
lonely women
away from the continental united states
with promises of a good life and
low competition
in Alaska
(America's secret sausage fest)
I know this because when I got to work today, this woman Maria (who I believe is technically my boss) was leafing through it in the lounge
every now and then she'd come across
a group of firemen
a guy with a cute dog
a guitarist
a balding man trying to pull off a goateed Kenny G look
and she'd run to the front desk and giggle with Toni
it was somewhere around the third time she cooed "Ooh, look at his arms. I've got a thing for arms," here talking about some sea cow of a man with fat arms
that I realized
she wasn't joking
Now
confused and
reasonably reasonable
I pondered why she
a not-bad-looking
kinda cute
late 20s early 30s
woman would be looking for a man
and an opportunity toescape
viz a vis Susie's list when I realized
Christ
I work in the goddamn math department
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Thursday, November 18, 2004
alley finds
yesterday:
a suitcase full of toys and assorted kid's crap from the 1980s, including, but not limited to a He Man (Master of the Universe) villain with a hornet's visage/demeanor, Boy Scouts patches, Panda sunglasses, baseball and basketball cards, scribble drawings, cars and motorcycles
today:
a 30X illuminated microscope and 8X magnifier
Panasonic ministudio Dat recorder/mixer
Boss guitar tuner
and a photo album full of boring pictures of ducks and sunsets in San Francisco and midwest marathon cyclists
7:50 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, November 14, 2004
shortsighted
when the rest of the world was
mourning
Ol Dirty Bastard and Yasser Arafat
I was with Her
at a punk show in Pilsen
two forties deep and well on my way to
ruining
another evening
togethor
Sarah tells me I should stop giving these people I don't know
this modicum of trust
she has a long time ago and
they can't touch her
anymore
maybe that's why it was me and not her
crouched in some alley
i'd been pissing in
split knuckles split lip
front to back rip in my dress pants' crotch
I didn't get into a fight I
did it to myself
&
with tears and blood streaming
ass and pride bruised
I couldn't fight my way out of it
she wouldn't let me
so I tore into brick wall and chain link
my own skin and bone
howling blubbery into the night
refusing her lips
(like only a fool would)
refusing the touch of her hand
through the holes in my coat
&
slept half the night
alone at her side
I'm not supposed to trust people but I'm supposed
to trust you
of course I trust you
to have the reason
to know
that you could do better
and better will probably come along before not too long
I'll never refuse another kiss
10:45 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
plant a crack rock for Dirt McGirt
When Iwas 13, my friend Greg (at the time, "G-Dogg") and I had run away. We hadn't really run away so much as had wandered off and lost track of time to the point where there was a fanatical familial search party combing the beach for us. We were in some rich beachside community in Indiana or Michigan or Wisconsin or somesuch notIllinois place. I had dragged him along on a trip to visit whichever family member it is that used to have that get togethor. I'm not sure but I figure they've since passed since I haven't been there for some time.
I hated these trips and relished in the opportunity to take G-Dogg with me.Togethor, we frightened my cousins, who asked if we were in a gang. More than that, although he was my best friend I never saw him. His family had lived underneath his grandparents in a building that tended to get caught up in drive-by crossfire. Just before eigth grade his family had relocated to Crystal Lake, Illinois. Essentially, the Sticks. They lived a block away from the General Store and I never saw him.
Because of this we stormed the beach like kings. We were kings. We were two kids from Chicago in a place that wasn't. I had a bright green buzzcut and a Gomez Adams moustache; I was growthspurt thin for the first and only time in my life. We ran unil we were lost, talking to high school girls and starting shit with locals, acting much drunker than we could have been for what little we'd stolen, and singing at the tops of our lungs.
We sang, or screamed the lyrics to the most antisocial popradio bands that we knew: Metallica and Nine Inch Nails, Bone Thugs N Harmony and Wu Tang, the Offspring and Pantera, Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dog, Ministry (to the extent that you could sing the songs from "Psalm 69: the Way to Suck Seed and the Way to Suck Eggs"...think TVII). More than anything else though, we sang, or warbled ODB. We had both just gotten Ol Dirty Bastard's first LP, "Return to the 36 Chambers" and spent the afternoon singing "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" and "Snakez", running in and out of the clear water and making fun of yuppies.
At some point I'd lost my shoes around someone's campfire and we found out how dark the world can actually be at night somewhere in the world outside of Chicago. When my Dad finally came across us we were yelled at in a manner unfit for men of our stature. We yelled back. We pouted. G-Dogg was not allowed to come with us on any more family outings, and we soon fell out of touch.
I was not meant to see Ol Dirty Bastard in concert. One of the two concerts I was banned from before high school was the Wu Tang Clan at the Aragon Ballroom (the other was Ministry at the Vic). When Terence Byas called me up with a free ticket to see Wu Tang on tour with Rage Against the Machine in Tinley Park, I had to go to the Bat Mitzvah's of one of those aforementioned stuck-up cousins in Northbrook, and when I stood at the counter at the Clubhouse, money in hand, trying to get a ticket for Ol Dirty Bastard, solo at the Metro, the indie rocker at the counter told me that he had been arrested the day prior, and postponed the tour.
Ol Dirty Bastard has been in and out of jail ever since and, to my knowledge, has not played another show in Chicago since. He died yesterday evening in New York. He would've been 36 tomorrow.
Rest in Peace Russel Jones
8:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
3 bullshit posts in a row...I'm motherfucking Superman
Current mood: dreadticipation
i've been rather depressed and paranoid this week. maybe it's too much work, or too much extra pressure as I put off work, maybe it's the whole midterms stigma, maybe it's the changing of the season, or maybe my relationship is heading for the shitter and i haven't fully realized it yet, but I've decided to list a few good things here and now
class got out early and I'm getting paid for it now, as I type this
John Ashcroft has resigned
I have, in my backpack, the abominable snowman that co-starred with me in the 2003 Nell Taylor student opus "Too Many Monsters"
Hotmail has raised my storage ability by like 6000 per cent
I will be featuring at The Cafe (actually called that) on Lincoln Avenue, March 1st 2005
if my relationship isn't secretly over and Sarah hasn't tired of me in her heart of hearts, she will be dazzled by my incredible birthday gift-buying prowess
Now it's off to 5 or 6 hours in the photo studio. Toodles
2:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Why Settle for Being Spiritually In Tune w/ the Universe when you can Bling it up?
Some people believe that charity is its own reward, others find solace in living life to the single dictate of the golden rule, and yet others can only get by comfortably with the knowledge that pure chaos theory reigns the cosmos supreme. I for one find solace in money karma.
what Money Karma boils down to, is that if you put enough love out there, it'll come back to you
an example:
the other day
in downtown Grand Rapids
I give a lady one of my last dollars to buy a fortie
after she compliments me on my hair
then I got drunk on Bells
and nothing much happened
until Monday, near Columbia
after I've opted to miss class
a scraggly Abe Lincolnwith a Sharpied-blue beard
is peeking up at me from under one of it's own folds in the curb
I scooped him up and bought mouth-watering Harold's chicken and Wild Cherry Pepsi w/ it
giving the rest to another homeless woman
later, the accursed Columbia College vending machine denied me my packet of skittles
unwilling to pay double and
unable to jar it loose with my boots
i opted to leave
ruing my charity
at Osco
the woman at the counter
dazzled by my hair
rings up only my graham cracker Animalitos
and not the other items
netting me the animal cookies, some lemonade, and Pringles Pizza-licious chips
for a cool $1.02
all was right in the world again
the dual morals of this story are
1. i have a much better haircut than diet
2. money karma is the way to success so give, give, give
Unfortunate drawback: it takes a lot of the fun sincerity and acumen out of helping folks
1:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
get up, Standup
So I read something interesting and kinda weird in a reputable newspaper on the bus earlier today. Well, it wasn't so much a reputable newspaper as it was the youth-marketed tabloid subsidiary of a reputable newspaper, the Tribune Co. Chicago Red Eye. Well apparently, some conservatives in Congress, cocky after their big win last Tuesday, are pushing legislation that would require all doctor to warn prospective patients that getting an abortion might cause pain to the poor, defenseless ittybitty fetus.
Ain't that a fuckin nail in the heart?
Well I think that I can do the Republicans one better (which is rare because they usually throw me for a fuckin loop). I think that this time they're not going far enough. I think that radiologists should be warning patients that their chemo treatments might be hurting causing pain to their tumor.
SURE, some rich LIBERALS in MASSACHUSSETTS may try to tell you that a tumor is nothing more than a brainless, soulless bundle of cells but I happen to watch networks like FOX where Richard Murdock's fine programming offers shows like "Ripleys, Beieve it or Not!" wherein I've seen a 200 lb. tumor removed from a 250 lb. woman and this bad boy had teeth and it had hair.
Ponder this for a moment because 22 years ago in the year of our lord 1982 when a jaundiced, little bouncing baby Eric lab Rat was born 6 pounds, 2 ounces at Illinois Masonic, he didn't have hair; and he didn't have teeth. Now you tell me who the undeveloped one is.
Besides, chemotherapy is not as pretty as it sounds. You see, all that chemotherapy is is the process of putting someone in a teeny tiny little MURDER ROOM to get teeny tiny little doses of RADIATION POISONING from teeny tiny little DEATH RAYS...and what is the byproduct of such rampant and unchecked usage of radiation?
Radiation poisoning (aforementioned), nuclear fallout, nuclear waste and...flipper babies (which only lead to more people getting abortions.
So if you want the mass murder of innocents to end andf you want to defeat apartheid, where regular tumor-Americans are relegated to the status of second class citizens...........
I don't know, send me an email or somethin
ericlabrat@insideoutboy.net
1:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, November 07, 2004
untitled
yesterday
i amtrakked through dozens of small towns with
dead trees, blue skies, and names i've never heard of
to a yawning union station
with titty mags littered by the elevators
and tourists reliving the untouchables
I was home
no trees
grey sky
i didn't cut my wrist
but when i pulled back the braxelets on my left arm
i found that they'd dug in to the skin
leaving much longer impressions than the girls i don't see anymore
who'd given them to me a year and some change back
two apartments ago
plus an extended stay with my parents
when i found my way to their yard today
there was a tree i'd never noticed before
full of bald and veiny branches that
unnoticed
unfolded an arm
twenty-three steps onto my parents balcony
where it could grab them as they lie limp
and motionless
worlds apart in their big bed
as though completely alone
to drag them back into the dead earth
overplanted and processed
as infertile as they are
to skip the inevitable
we've been rooted in this place for too long
and I need to pull myself out
11:12 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
a day in the life of eric, gentleman test animal [Grand Rapids edition]
Current mood: empty
-wake up in Grand Rapids at Sarah's parents' house
have gibberish conversation with her dad
fall back to sleep
(it's very likely that this is a dream)
between 11 and 12 (Eastern Standard Time) wake up
i'm absolutely certain about this one
shower
spend a good 45 minutes trying to get my mohawk up,
before i opt to give myself a haircut
finish hair and Sarah's Mom's spray
1:00 Sarah takes me on a tour of downtown grand rapids
apparently everything she remembers is still there but has moved
around a few blocks
1:30 hit best record store i've been to in a while
spend 25 dollars and 39 cents on the following vinyl
-Sem Estilos Para Definir o Nosso Odio (Brasilian HC compilacao)
-The Cars "Greatest Hits"
-Grand Palominos "Visions of Excess"
-The Woggles! "Teendanceparty"
-The Morlocks "Emerge"
2:45 realize we've spent entirely too much time there
rush across town, making many wrong turns
3:10 family gathering at Sarah's, too many people
3:15 corn dogs!
3:30 i notice i'm getting drunk
3:35 four types of lasagna based on two recipes
3:50 sober up as everyone else starts getting drunk
4:?? presents are exchanged
pillows, money, mechanical santa who blows bubbles
sarah and i are both given novelty voodoo dolls
Voudun Detente! Voudun Detente! Voudun Detente!
5:?? sarah gets in an argument, browbeating w/ various family members,
cries
when i fail at trying to console her, hide in the basement
watch bootleg Billy Bob Thornton highschool football movie w/ Sarah's little cousins until her Dad decides to show various people the basement's surround sound
6ish everybody leaves
6:30 watch "Joan of Arcadia w/ Sarah's parents
7:30 her Dad, drunk, decides to show me the jeep, tears ass off the lawn blasting tribal drum music
7:37 we're back at the house and he apologizes
7:40 accuses me of defensive and violent body language as I slice myself a bit of cake
threatens: you're lucky you're still alive now boy
7:45 LEAVE
blast awful-but-endearing Lansing hardcore demos we got for free at the record store (Listen to FTM at www.severedrecords.com, the "only website that matters")
8:30 miss Zatoichi:the blind Swordsman at UICA, real cool fuckin place
8:45 head around corner to Morning Star 75, see cool local band Paucity
moog-heavy spacey rock
9:45 leave when the dude from the Dismemberment plan gets on and starts playing songs that sound like they should open up a morning newscast or be the theme for some sort of PBS cartoon where a scientist takes a multiethnic group of school kids through time to learn and avoid things like pogroms and the black death
10:30 some bar whose name i forget
alright jukebox, Bells on tap, creepy old photographer who tells me
"never catch yourself behaving"
making out in the darts hovel
11:45 meijers
cheap condoms, goldfish crackers, hairspray for Sarah's mom
lube, beer and vodka for Sarah's sister and her roommate
chewable children's vitamins
12:30 smoked ribs, cheese, lemonade and grenadine
12:45 David Lynch shorts
1:?? fall asleep on the couch watching "Monty Python's the Meaning of Life"
poignant moment:
on the way to the train this morning we see a billboard:
Kent County is Great! Keep it that way: Vote Republican!
the billboard was hanging over the backside of a Freemason's hall
me and sarah slept most of the trainride over and got home depressed...probably more drained than anything and looking like something
the cat dragged back out. It's alright. Sarah's grandmother likes me and so does she. that's all i need. If you happen to find yourself in GR next Saturday, i suggest that you see Human Order and (Los?) Eske playing with Don Knotts and other at 10 N Weston. Bye
10:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, November 04, 2004
everyone must die
the cunt using the computers at columbia college's library to look at friend requests on myspace who looked at me all shitty when all the computers were full and i asked if anyone was getting off soon- dead
the dumb fucks who let all the computers in the underground get infected with popup spyware cpu syphillis- dead
51 per cent of the nonfelonious 18-plus year old american voting public- mildly wounded and severely lectured
ohiowaian and floridian nader supporters - ethnically cleansed
the vending machine that wouldn't spit out my 2.5 ounces of Nabisco brand cherry fruit snacks- dead
all the broken ATMs that tried to keep me from getting my caffeine and Harold's chicken before the next 8 hours of school - incinerated
my own damn unhealthy body- eviscerated
more to come soon
it's time for class
so anybody wants to talk about the prospect of repopulating the earth with a head in a jar wearing a ratty mohawk
talk to me later
fuckin' growl, yo
fuckin growl
Alaskan Men
Susie's Alaskan Men to be exact
it's a catalogue/travel guide full of single Alaskan men
meant to lure
lonely women
away from the continental united states
with promises of a good life and
low competition
in Alaska
(America's secret sausage fest)
I know this because when I got to work today, this woman Maria (who I believe is technically my boss) was leafing through it in the lounge
every now and then she'd come across
a group of firemen
a guy with a cute dog
a guitarist
a balding man trying to pull off a goateed Kenny G look
and she'd run to the front desk and giggle with Toni
it was somewhere around the third time she cooed "Ooh, look at his arms. I've got a thing for arms," here talking about some sea cow of a man with fat arms
that I realized
she wasn't joking
Now
confused and
reasonably reasonable
I pondered why she
a not-bad-looking
kinda cute
late 20s early 30s
woman would be looking for a man
and an opportunity toescape
viz a vis Susie's list when I realized
Christ
I work in the goddamn math department
12:16 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, November 18, 2004
alley finds
yesterday:
a suitcase full of toys and assorted kid's crap from the 1980s, including, but not limited to a He Man (Master of the Universe) villain with a hornet's visage/demeanor, Boy Scouts patches, Panda sunglasses, baseball and basketball cards, scribble drawings, cars and motorcycles
today:
a 30X illuminated microscope and 8X magnifier
Panasonic ministudio Dat recorder/mixer
Boss guitar tuner
and a photo album full of boring pictures of ducks and sunsets in San Francisco and midwest marathon cyclists
7:50 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, November 14, 2004
shortsighted
when the rest of the world was
mourning
Ol Dirty Bastard and Yasser Arafat
I was with Her
at a punk show in Pilsen
two forties deep and well on my way to
ruining
another evening
togethor
Sarah tells me I should stop giving these people I don't know
this modicum of trust
she has a long time ago and
they can't touch her
anymore
maybe that's why it was me and not her
crouched in some alley
i'd been pissing in
split knuckles split lip
front to back rip in my dress pants' crotch
I didn't get into a fight I
did it to myself
&
with tears and blood streaming
ass and pride bruised
I couldn't fight my way out of it
she wouldn't let me
so I tore into brick wall and chain link
my own skin and bone
howling blubbery into the night
refusing her lips
(like only a fool would)
refusing the touch of her hand
through the holes in my coat
&
slept half the night
alone at her side
I'm not supposed to trust people but I'm supposed
to trust you
of course I trust you
to have the reason
to know
that you could do better
and better will probably come along before not too long
I'll never refuse another kiss
10:45 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
plant a crack rock for Dirt McGirt
When Iwas 13, my friend Greg (at the time, "G-Dogg") and I had run away. We hadn't really run away so much as had wandered off and lost track of time to the point where there was a fanatical familial search party combing the beach for us. We were in some rich beachside community in Indiana or Michigan or Wisconsin or somesuch notIllinois place. I had dragged him along on a trip to visit whichever family member it is that used to have that get togethor. I'm not sure but I figure they've since passed since I haven't been there for some time.
I hated these trips and relished in the opportunity to take G-Dogg with me.Togethor, we frightened my cousins, who asked if we were in a gang. More than that, although he was my best friend I never saw him. His family had lived underneath his grandparents in a building that tended to get caught up in drive-by crossfire. Just before eigth grade his family had relocated to Crystal Lake, Illinois. Essentially, the Sticks. They lived a block away from the General Store and I never saw him.
Because of this we stormed the beach like kings. We were kings. We were two kids from Chicago in a place that wasn't. I had a bright green buzzcut and a Gomez Adams moustache; I was growthspurt thin for the first and only time in my life. We ran unil we were lost, talking to high school girls and starting shit with locals, acting much drunker than we could have been for what little we'd stolen, and singing at the tops of our lungs.
We sang, or screamed the lyrics to the most antisocial popradio bands that we knew: Metallica and Nine Inch Nails, Bone Thugs N Harmony and Wu Tang, the Offspring and Pantera, Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dog, Ministry (to the extent that you could sing the songs from "Psalm 69: the Way to Suck Seed and the Way to Suck Eggs"...think TVII). More than anything else though, we sang, or warbled ODB. We had both just gotten Ol Dirty Bastard's first LP, "Return to the 36 Chambers" and spent the afternoon singing "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" and "Snakez", running in and out of the clear water and making fun of yuppies.
At some point I'd lost my shoes around someone's campfire and we found out how dark the world can actually be at night somewhere in the world outside of Chicago. When my Dad finally came across us we were yelled at in a manner unfit for men of our stature. We yelled back. We pouted. G-Dogg was not allowed to come with us on any more family outings, and we soon fell out of touch.
I was not meant to see Ol Dirty Bastard in concert. One of the two concerts I was banned from before high school was the Wu Tang Clan at the Aragon Ballroom (the other was Ministry at the Vic). When Terence Byas called me up with a free ticket to see Wu Tang on tour with Rage Against the Machine in Tinley Park, I had to go to the Bat Mitzvah's of one of those aforementioned stuck-up cousins in Northbrook, and when I stood at the counter at the Clubhouse, money in hand, trying to get a ticket for Ol Dirty Bastard, solo at the Metro, the indie rocker at the counter told me that he had been arrested the day prior, and postponed the tour.
Ol Dirty Bastard has been in and out of jail ever since and, to my knowledge, has not played another show in Chicago since. He died yesterday evening in New York. He would've been 36 tomorrow.
Rest in Peace Russel Jones
8:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
3 bullshit posts in a row...I'm motherfucking Superman
Current mood: dreadticipation
i've been rather depressed and paranoid this week. maybe it's too much work, or too much extra pressure as I put off work, maybe it's the whole midterms stigma, maybe it's the changing of the season, or maybe my relationship is heading for the shitter and i haven't fully realized it yet, but I've decided to list a few good things here and now
class got out early and I'm getting paid for it now, as I type this
John Ashcroft has resigned
I have, in my backpack, the abominable snowman that co-starred with me in the 2003 Nell Taylor student opus "Too Many Monsters"
Hotmail has raised my storage ability by like 6000 per cent
I will be featuring at The Cafe (actually called that) on Lincoln Avenue, March 1st 2005
if my relationship isn't secretly over and Sarah hasn't tired of me in her heart of hearts, she will be dazzled by my incredible birthday gift-buying prowess
Now it's off to 5 or 6 hours in the photo studio. Toodles
2:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Why Settle for Being Spiritually In Tune w/ the Universe when you can Bling it up?
Some people believe that charity is its own reward, others find solace in living life to the single dictate of the golden rule, and yet others can only get by comfortably with the knowledge that pure chaos theory reigns the cosmos supreme. I for one find solace in money karma.
what Money Karma boils down to, is that if you put enough love out there, it'll come back to you
an example:
the other day
in downtown Grand Rapids
I give a lady one of my last dollars to buy a fortie
after she compliments me on my hair
then I got drunk on Bells
and nothing much happened
until Monday, near Columbia
after I've opted to miss class
a scraggly Abe Lincolnwith a Sharpied-blue beard
is peeking up at me from under one of it's own folds in the curb
I scooped him up and bought mouth-watering Harold's chicken and Wild Cherry Pepsi w/ it
giving the rest to another homeless woman
later, the accursed Columbia College vending machine denied me my packet of skittles
unwilling to pay double and
unable to jar it loose with my boots
i opted to leave
ruing my charity
at Osco
the woman at the counter
dazzled by my hair
rings up only my graham cracker Animalitos
and not the other items
netting me the animal cookies, some lemonade, and Pringles Pizza-licious chips
for a cool $1.02
all was right in the world again
the dual morals of this story are
1. i have a much better haircut than diet
2. money karma is the way to success so give, give, give
Unfortunate drawback: it takes a lot of the fun sincerity and acumen out of helping folks
1:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
get up, Standup
So I read something interesting and kinda weird in a reputable newspaper on the bus earlier today. Well, it wasn't so much a reputable newspaper as it was the youth-marketed tabloid subsidiary of a reputable newspaper, the Tribune Co. Chicago Red Eye. Well apparently, some conservatives in Congress, cocky after their big win last Tuesday, are pushing legislation that would require all doctor to warn prospective patients that getting an abortion might cause pain to the poor, defenseless ittybitty fetus.
Ain't that a fuckin nail in the heart?
Well I think that I can do the Republicans one better (which is rare because they usually throw me for a fuckin loop). I think that this time they're not going far enough. I think that radiologists should be warning patients that their chemo treatments might be hurting causing pain to their tumor.
SURE, some rich LIBERALS in MASSACHUSSETTS may try to tell you that a tumor is nothing more than a brainless, soulless bundle of cells but I happen to watch networks like FOX where Richard Murdock's fine programming offers shows like "Ripleys, Beieve it or Not!" wherein I've seen a 200 lb. tumor removed from a 250 lb. woman and this bad boy had teeth and it had hair.
Ponder this for a moment because 22 years ago in the year of our lord 1982 when a jaundiced, little bouncing baby Eric lab Rat was born 6 pounds, 2 ounces at Illinois Masonic, he didn't have hair; and he didn't have teeth. Now you tell me who the undeveloped one is.
Besides, chemotherapy is not as pretty as it sounds. You see, all that chemotherapy is is the process of putting someone in a teeny tiny little MURDER ROOM to get teeny tiny little doses of RADIATION POISONING from teeny tiny little DEATH RAYS...and what is the byproduct of such rampant and unchecked usage of radiation?
Radiation poisoning (aforementioned), nuclear fallout, nuclear waste and...flipper babies (which only lead to more people getting abortions.
So if you want the mass murder of innocents to end andf you want to defeat apartheid, where regular tumor-Americans are relegated to the status of second class citizens...........
I don't know, send me an email or somethin
ericlabrat@insideoutboy.net
1:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, November 07, 2004
untitled
yesterday
i amtrakked through dozens of small towns with
dead trees, blue skies, and names i've never heard of
to a yawning union station
with titty mags littered by the elevators
and tourists reliving the untouchables
I was home
no trees
grey sky
i didn't cut my wrist
but when i pulled back the braxelets on my left arm
i found that they'd dug in to the skin
leaving much longer impressions than the girls i don't see anymore
who'd given them to me a year and some change back
two apartments ago
plus an extended stay with my parents
when i found my way to their yard today
there was a tree i'd never noticed before
full of bald and veiny branches that
unnoticed
unfolded an arm
twenty-three steps onto my parents balcony
where it could grab them as they lie limp
and motionless
worlds apart in their big bed
as though completely alone
to drag them back into the dead earth
overplanted and processed
as infertile as they are
to skip the inevitable
we've been rooted in this place for too long
and I need to pull myself out
11:12 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
a day in the life of eric, gentleman test animal [Grand Rapids edition]
Current mood: empty
-wake up in Grand Rapids at Sarah's parents' house
have gibberish conversation with her dad
fall back to sleep
(it's very likely that this is a dream)
between 11 and 12 (Eastern Standard Time) wake up
i'm absolutely certain about this one
shower
spend a good 45 minutes trying to get my mohawk up,
before i opt to give myself a haircut
finish hair and Sarah's Mom's spray
1:00 Sarah takes me on a tour of downtown grand rapids
apparently everything she remembers is still there but has moved
around a few blocks
1:30 hit best record store i've been to in a while
spend 25 dollars and 39 cents on the following vinyl
-Sem Estilos Para Definir o Nosso Odio (Brasilian HC compilacao)
-The Cars "Greatest Hits"
-Grand Palominos "Visions of Excess"
-The Woggles! "Teendanceparty"
-The Morlocks "Emerge"
2:45 realize we've spent entirely too much time there
rush across town, making many wrong turns
3:10 family gathering at Sarah's, too many people
3:15 corn dogs!
3:30 i notice i'm getting drunk
3:35 four types of lasagna based on two recipes
3:50 sober up as everyone else starts getting drunk
4:?? presents are exchanged
pillows, money, mechanical santa who blows bubbles
sarah and i are both given novelty voodoo dolls
Voudun Detente! Voudun Detente! Voudun Detente!
5:?? sarah gets in an argument, browbeating w/ various family members,
cries
when i fail at trying to console her, hide in the basement
watch bootleg Billy Bob Thornton highschool football movie w/ Sarah's little cousins until her Dad decides to show various people the basement's surround sound
6ish everybody leaves
6:30 watch "Joan of Arcadia w/ Sarah's parents
7:30 her Dad, drunk, decides to show me the jeep, tears ass off the lawn blasting tribal drum music
7:37 we're back at the house and he apologizes
7:40 accuses me of defensive and violent body language as I slice myself a bit of cake
threatens: you're lucky you're still alive now boy
7:45 LEAVE
blast awful-but-endearing Lansing hardcore demos we got for free at the record store (Listen to FTM at www.severedrecords.com, the "only website that matters")
8:30 miss Zatoichi:the blind Swordsman at UICA, real cool fuckin place
8:45 head around corner to Morning Star 75, see cool local band Paucity
moog-heavy spacey rock
9:45 leave when the dude from the Dismemberment plan gets on and starts playing songs that sound like they should open up a morning newscast or be the theme for some sort of PBS cartoon where a scientist takes a multiethnic group of school kids through time to learn and avoid things like pogroms and the black death
10:30 some bar whose name i forget
alright jukebox, Bells on tap, creepy old photographer who tells me
"never catch yourself behaving"
making out in the darts hovel
11:45 meijers
cheap condoms, goldfish crackers, hairspray for Sarah's mom
lube, beer and vodka for Sarah's sister and her roommate
chewable children's vitamins
12:30 smoked ribs, cheese, lemonade and grenadine
12:45 David Lynch shorts
1:?? fall asleep on the couch watching "Monty Python's the Meaning of Life"
poignant moment:
on the way to the train this morning we see a billboard:
Kent County is Great! Keep it that way: Vote Republican!
the billboard was hanging over the backside of a Freemason's hall
me and sarah slept most of the trainride over and got home depressed...probably more drained than anything and looking like something
the cat dragged back out. It's alright. Sarah's grandmother likes me and so does she. that's all i need. If you happen to find yourself in GR next Saturday, i suggest that you see Human Order and (Los?) Eske playing with Don Knotts and other at 10 N Weston. Bye
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Thursday, November 04, 2004
everyone must die
the cunt using the computers at columbia college's library to look at friend requests on myspace who looked at me all shitty when all the computers were full and i asked if anyone was getting off soon- dead
the dumb fucks who let all the computers in the underground get infected with popup spyware cpu syphillis- dead
51 per cent of the nonfelonious 18-plus year old american voting public- mildly wounded and severely lectured
ohiowaian and floridian nader supporters - ethnically cleansed
the vending machine that wouldn't spit out my 2.5 ounces of Nabisco brand cherry fruit snacks- dead
all the broken ATMs that tried to keep me from getting my caffeine and Harold's chicken before the next 8 hours of school - incinerated
my own damn unhealthy body- eviscerated
more to come soon
it's time for class
so anybody wants to talk about the prospect of repopulating the earth with a head in a jar wearing a ratty mohawk
talk to me later
fuckin' growl, yo
fuckin growl
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