cocytus

hell is a
twin size bed
a beautiful woman
and
a hot december

(aparently, it's january now
i wish it wasn't)

we writhed in all the wrong ways
trying to
eke
out a few inches of freedom

our skin
met
poorly
and
smoked

when we attempted to take each other in
we gagged
on
togethor

this is not usually the case
not on my end

watching cartoons that were familiar
but couldn't make us laugh
hid
stared

the twin thoughts of exercise and suicide
were mutually
unappealing
but i half assed a set of pushups
and a couple of slices to the leg

downed some sleeping pills
and garlic tablets
let a little salt spill
so my eyelids would have room
to breath

it's seasonal
i tell tania
but it's not
it's one of those massive
axis tilting
young person

i'm
looking
for one of those books
that tells you how to deal with failure
being one
that tells you
how not to try and do something special
but just pay the bills
and enjoy life
i know i can
but i don't know how
to start

i was always a shining star and a lost cause at school
apparently they aren't mutually exclusive
and
i
conversely
received
too little and too much
encouragement

and i never learned how to not know

the ninth level is
the home of Satan, Brutus
and other wayward Democrats
where you wait and hurt

this
is
incomplete