"winking, mugging despair"....
is the term author John Gardner (Grendel) used to describe artists who make art for the sake of art (or worse yet, entertainment) rather than to illuminate moral lessons. With that in mind, here is the prototype of a skit for the Gentlemen Callers' (my sketch comedy group) unnamed second show.
Introduction: interspersed throughout the show will be Guidance Counselor scenes where one of the Gentlemen Callers advises some one on their carreer path (and other guidance counselorly jibber jabber). One advocates a carreer in national socialism, one is a 'show me on the doll where he touched you'-type ordeal...here's mine. The characters are BILLY and GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
[BILLY enters]
GC: Hey Billy, 'tsat time of year again, you ready?
B: Actually I am, I was thinking I'd stay in the city, take on a two year program at one of the trade or technical schools and BAM!, I'm out on the workforce
GC: I'm sorry, so you're thinking of going into...
B: Engineering
GC: hmmm [mixture of boredom and thoughtful concern apparent on his face] Have you ever considered a carreer in international rock stardom?
B: What?
GC: [excited] Imagine it, millions of fans screaming for you every night in every city on the globe, the lights, the amps, cars jewels, women, hell, men, hand over fist throwing themselves at you night after night after night.
B: Are you kidding?
GC: Not at all, this is your life we're talking about.
B: Well I'm certainly NOT gonna be a rockstar.
GC: Why not?
B: I can't play an instrument, I hate large groups of people, I'm terribly allergic to mescaline, and I'm deaf in my left ear.
GC: Okay, okay. Well...how does 'famous author' strike you? Same respect, smarter groupies, you won't get recognized in supermarkets and you still get to thumb your nose at all of 'morality's' failings
B: look, Mister Arlington. I've got a 2.2 GPA, a C-minus in English, I don't have a thing to say....
GC: lower your voice
B: ...and I'm pretty sure you can't just become a FAMOUS author
GC: Well you've gotta be something Billy, this is your life, and you can't just have a normal life.
B: Why the Hell not?
GC: You can't do that! That's not the life of a boy with dreams...punching the clock day in day going to the same place in the same town hoping they don't shitcan your ass before you're ready for retirement, coming home to the same cold woman night after night drunker and drunker hoping to find some spark in your drifting loveless marriage at the bottom of a bottle! No you can't just give up and settle for a normal life Billy, you might as well just kill yourself right here. [pulls out a gun and puts it between them on his desk]
B: Mister Arlington!
GC: Don't worry about this Billy, we're gonna get you outta this hump and fix you up right. I've got an idea, Hollywood moviestar.
B: Moviestar?! Look, Mr. Arlington, I know you're trying to help and I'm sure there's a valid point in there somewhere but I already know what I'm gonna be. Not a movie star, not a jazz chanteuse, not a renowned philosopher, not a goddamn unicorn! Just an engineer, maybe an IT in some office. Something simple and realistic. Goodbye Mister Arlington. [BILLY exits]
GC: [looking at his gun] Oh man, a unicorn would been wicked cool.
[rimshot]
Introduction: interspersed throughout the show will be Guidance Counselor scenes where one of the Gentlemen Callers advises some one on their carreer path (and other guidance counselorly jibber jabber). One advocates a carreer in national socialism, one is a 'show me on the doll where he touched you'-type ordeal...here's mine. The characters are BILLY and GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
[BILLY enters]
GC: Hey Billy, 'tsat time of year again, you ready?
B: Actually I am, I was thinking I'd stay in the city, take on a two year program at one of the trade or technical schools and BAM!, I'm out on the workforce
GC: I'm sorry, so you're thinking of going into...
B: Engineering
GC: hmmm [mixture of boredom and thoughtful concern apparent on his face] Have you ever considered a carreer in international rock stardom?
B: What?
GC: [excited] Imagine it, millions of fans screaming for you every night in every city on the globe, the lights, the amps, cars jewels, women, hell, men, hand over fist throwing themselves at you night after night after night.
B: Are you kidding?
GC: Not at all, this is your life we're talking about.
B: Well I'm certainly NOT gonna be a rockstar.
GC: Why not?
B: I can't play an instrument, I hate large groups of people, I'm terribly allergic to mescaline, and I'm deaf in my left ear.
GC: Okay, okay. Well...how does 'famous author' strike you? Same respect, smarter groupies, you won't get recognized in supermarkets and you still get to thumb your nose at all of 'morality's' failings
B: look, Mister Arlington. I've got a 2.2 GPA, a C-minus in English, I don't have a thing to say....
GC: lower your voice
B: ...and I'm pretty sure you can't just become a FAMOUS author
GC: Well you've gotta be something Billy, this is your life, and you can't just have a normal life.
B: Why the Hell not?
GC: You can't do that! That's not the life of a boy with dreams...punching the clock day in day going to the same place in the same town hoping they don't shitcan your ass before you're ready for retirement, coming home to the same cold woman night after night drunker and drunker hoping to find some spark in your drifting loveless marriage at the bottom of a bottle! No you can't just give up and settle for a normal life Billy, you might as well just kill yourself right here. [pulls out a gun and puts it between them on his desk]
B: Mister Arlington!
GC: Don't worry about this Billy, we're gonna get you outta this hump and fix you up right. I've got an idea, Hollywood moviestar.
B: Moviestar?! Look, Mr. Arlington, I know you're trying to help and I'm sure there's a valid point in there somewhere but I already know what I'm gonna be. Not a movie star, not a jazz chanteuse, not a renowned philosopher, not a goddamn unicorn! Just an engineer, maybe an IT in some office. Something simple and realistic. Goodbye Mister Arlington. [BILLY exits]
GC: [looking at his gun] Oh man, a unicorn would been wicked cool.
[rimshot]
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home