Friday, July 15, 2005

i live in filth!

1. So my Mama always told me, "Eric, don't buy cowboy boots off homeless dudes on the streets of New Orleans because they've already settled on someone's feet and will cut your ankle up while you try to break em in. Then dirt might get in your wound rendering you unable to walk without searing pain for days at a time."

When will I ever learn?.

2. Dear Democrats,
I know it's fun tearing Karl Rove apart and all. He's a werewolf and deserves far worse than he's getting, but he's smarter than you. The more you spend time on this, the farther people's minds will be from more damning presidential misdeeds, like the Beeker Street Memo. If you fuck this one up, you've probly already lost 2008.

3. Emergency Room doctors really hate it when you refer to your IV as a 'spike'

4. It's now socially acceptible to use the word douchebag in any situation

5. Tommy Lee Jones' talent has been wasted in just about every role he's taken since Natural Born Killers. I wonder what he'd look like having sex.

6. This is what I do for a living:

"Laurie's math geek friends live in the Blue Bunny dorms-home to a geek secret society. Most Blue Bunnies live in giant, 12-story apartment houses, and their homes are large square rooms bounded on four sides by corridors. Each room has a single door that opens along a corridor. On even-numbered floors, the doors open on the east corridor; on odd numbered floors, the doors open onto the north corridor. At each intersection of corridors, there is something like an elevator that can be ridden up or down. Half of the corridors have moving belts on the floor, and no self-respecting Blue Bunny will walk if he can ride one of these belts. These belts are so arranged that those on floor 1, 5, and 9 run to the east; those on floors 2, 6, and 10 run to the south; those on floors 3, 7, 11, run to the west; and those on floors 4, 8, and 12 run to the north. Describe how a Blue Bunny who lives on floor 10 can use these moving belts an elevators to visit a friend who lives in the room directly below his/her room."

No.

I didn't write this. It's my job to explain it. The secret is that, unlike any real apartments you've ever seen, these buildings have only one apartment per floor, with hallways running in every direction around it.

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