this day in history

it was an unlucky number of years ago

and an unlucky year at that,
despite the recent election
that raised our spirits a bit

it was the first time i saw the sun go all the way around
fat on tryptophan and reaquainting myself with construction paper
at the bottom of the stairs

the teevee
showed me Somalia
a new country, right off the globe but never in front of me
same as today
same as it ever was
though incredibly new at the time

then
it disappeared
flies and distended stomachs
gone until they can be talked about in past tense

I thought we'd declared war again
there were tanks and guns and corpses

blood

; it was maybe the first time I saw the aggressors,
the oppressors and the victims
they all looked the same

i thought we'd declared war
and in my naievete, i thought it would affect me
just as in my naievete now, i pretend that it doesn't
i thought we'd declared war, and soon thought it a dream

a lapse
where i rested my eyes
and my forehead rested on my toes

given time
and a piece of paper
I could name hundreds of countries
all the same
sans topography
mineral exports
and infant mortality rate

when I think of them
I don't see them
I lack frames of reference
so I can't see them
so when I think of them
I see the image of one young Somali
not much taller than my femur, with eyes by Rockwell
convex and concave and dried under tears
with limbs you could peel off like matches in a book

I will eat tonight
better than some will eat this year and tomorrow
I will complain that I am fat and unattractive
and maybe illicit sympathy

we don't declare war proper anymore
we haven't for years
not on people
i'd like to roll up my sleeve
take a concept out back
and do it like men
but i lack the authority

when my friends have blood on their hands, do I share it?
i don't think to ask it when the sun is out
do i share their scarlet plams or is it streaked across my back;
does it depend on how we embrace

most of them
just shine medals
and preen

drink heavily
and read books you wouldn't expect them too
substitute sex for something
maybe spare time

the others dye their palms
like the sand
easily

and
i lack the indignation
to fault them

so today
i thank them
for not dying and leaving me alone