Parents Just Don't Understand
Back in the day, Bob Greene went on the road with Alice Cooper. Dave Barry used to use the word fuck and talk about drinking. Even Dan Savage has watered himself down from his old "Dear Faggot" days. I'm worried that the longer I write, and the older I get, the more I'll out myself as obsolete.
If you can get ahold of the May 21st Chicago Tribune, the fifteen pound Sunday edition, you can read "Finding Emo", an OUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!!! type article with three different layers of hilarity.
Apparently, the dangers are MySpace, a division of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp., and emo, a type of music that really, really sucks.
Full disclosure: I became acquainted with emo ten years ago, when a few friends ditched their hardcore and ska bands to "go emo." At the time, this did not involve any changes in wardrobe or attitude. Their lyrics just became a lot more honest (/manipulative) and they played a lot of Fugazi covers on acoustic guitar.
As I said, the article gave me three tiers of giggles. It can be found on the front page of the Q section, if you'd like to follow along at home. Apparently Q stands for "Qualities of Life". I'm not exactly sure what that (or maybe those?) is. The article is (1) terribly, terribly written, (2) awfully oblivious to anything real, and (3) talking about teenage kids like "Emo Tim" and "As The Blood Runs Down" would be funny enough without samples of their blogs and MySpace profiles.
[yeah, I know. this is a MySpace blog. that doesn't mean I think it belongs in the Trib]
The first paragraph is meant to grab you, it reads:
"They're 13, maybe 12, maybe even younger, and this is what they're finding on the internet..."
Scary, huh? You already know that what they're finding isn't going to be good. I feel sorry for them already, what with the lost innocence and all.
The author, Barbara Mahany, is clearly clueless. She searches google and myspace for the word emo and eats it all up, including what looks like several sources intended to mock the fad/subculture (tomato/tomahto). This isn't very quotable because it's mostly in her tone, but I think it's telling that the only band she lists as an emo forerunner is The Cure.
The article is full of notable, quotables, mostly coming from overly articulate kids:
"It's like the hair in front of their eyes shields the world from seeing the moral breakdown." (that's a pretty good metaphor, until Dude stretches it a bit more, "Under the gentle swoop of the bangs lies a world of debauchery."
The darndest things, right?
Here's what the adults sound like:
"Their heroes are these drug-addled, strung-out musicians."
"It's a generation marked by promiscuity anmd disobedience under wraps."
"Apathy is an epidemic."
NOT IN MY DAY! Hmmmph. Kids. Here's another gem from the guy who likes to talk about hair:
"It seems like...appearance is religion."
In high school? HELL IN A HANDBASKET!
According to the article, cutting has gotten cool. Just like Kabbalah tattoos and raver fat pants, I've proven myself once again waaaay ahead of the times. I guess kids are still swapping prescription pills, too, "the way they used to trade Twinkies for chips". This doesn't sound like a good idea, but I really can't come up with any reasons on why it's terrible. If a kid is depressed, he probably shouldn't be fucking with his medication, but if they're just faking it for the scene, who gives a fuck? It's a serotonin diddle, and it's safer than Robo-tripping or driving to the ghetto for real drugs.
In one part of the article, a 7th grader talks about how the emo kids sit alone to look depressed, but the rest talks about how COOL being depressed is. This is confusing in the same way that home recording recluses going on tour is confusing? What's the point of being cool if you aren't getting laid? It's like (x)Straight Edge(x) all over again.
And what about Barbara? Along with paragraphs explaining the difference between emo and goth, she writes shit like this:
"In Chicago, you can find the ever-more-youthful emo trend (I don't buy that at all) from Hyde Park to Lincoln Park, Rogers Park to Beverly. In the suburbs it's in junior highs from Aurora to Schaumburg, Wilmette to Hinsdale, Homewood to Arlington Heights."
What the fuck was the point of that sentence, other than saying the names of a lot of White suburbs? Seriously, it took like three minutes just to type?
I'm not a great writer. I forgot how I was planning to end this, and I mostly just like to complain and make fun of things but I'm a writer still. Is this what I have to look forward to? Putzing around whatever type of music the kids are listening to because it's somewhat different from the bullshit music that scared the shit out of my parents, who listened to somewhat different music that scared the shit out of their parents, who rebelled against their parents by listening to the sleazy scary sounds of American big band in the 20s and 30s and maybe even jazz? Fuck it. Find the article, it's good for a laugh.
[Listening: Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere]
If you can get ahold of the May 21st Chicago Tribune, the fifteen pound Sunday edition, you can read "Finding Emo", an OUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!!! type article with three different layers of hilarity.
Apparently, the dangers are MySpace, a division of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp., and emo, a type of music that really, really sucks.
Full disclosure: I became acquainted with emo ten years ago, when a few friends ditched their hardcore and ska bands to "go emo." At the time, this did not involve any changes in wardrobe or attitude. Their lyrics just became a lot more honest (/manipulative) and they played a lot of Fugazi covers on acoustic guitar.
As I said, the article gave me three tiers of giggles. It can be found on the front page of the Q section, if you'd like to follow along at home. Apparently Q stands for "Qualities of Life". I'm not exactly sure what that (or maybe those?) is. The article is (1) terribly, terribly written, (2) awfully oblivious to anything real, and (3) talking about teenage kids like "Emo Tim" and "As The Blood Runs Down" would be funny enough without samples of their blogs and MySpace profiles.
[yeah, I know. this is a MySpace blog. that doesn't mean I think it belongs in the Trib]
The first paragraph is meant to grab you, it reads:
"They're 13, maybe 12, maybe even younger, and this is what they're finding on the internet..."
Scary, huh? You already know that what they're finding isn't going to be good. I feel sorry for them already, what with the lost innocence and all.
The author, Barbara Mahany, is clearly clueless. She searches google and myspace for the word emo and eats it all up, including what looks like several sources intended to mock the fad/subculture (tomato/tomahto). This isn't very quotable because it's mostly in her tone, but I think it's telling that the only band she lists as an emo forerunner is The Cure.
The article is full of notable, quotables, mostly coming from overly articulate kids:
"It's like the hair in front of their eyes shields the world from seeing the moral breakdown." (that's a pretty good metaphor, until Dude stretches it a bit more, "Under the gentle swoop of the bangs lies a world of debauchery."
The darndest things, right?
Here's what the adults sound like:
"Their heroes are these drug-addled, strung-out musicians."
"It's a generation marked by promiscuity anmd disobedience under wraps."
"Apathy is an epidemic."
NOT IN MY DAY! Hmmmph. Kids. Here's another gem from the guy who likes to talk about hair:
"It seems like...appearance is religion."
In high school? HELL IN A HANDBASKET!
According to the article, cutting has gotten cool. Just like Kabbalah tattoos and raver fat pants, I've proven myself once again waaaay ahead of the times. I guess kids are still swapping prescription pills, too, "the way they used to trade Twinkies for chips". This doesn't sound like a good idea, but I really can't come up with any reasons on why it's terrible. If a kid is depressed, he probably shouldn't be fucking with his medication, but if they're just faking it for the scene, who gives a fuck? It's a serotonin diddle, and it's safer than Robo-tripping or driving to the ghetto for real drugs.
In one part of the article, a 7th grader talks about how the emo kids sit alone to look depressed, but the rest talks about how COOL being depressed is. This is confusing in the same way that home recording recluses going on tour is confusing? What's the point of being cool if you aren't getting laid? It's like (x)Straight Edge(x) all over again.
And what about Barbara? Along with paragraphs explaining the difference between emo and goth, she writes shit like this:
"In Chicago, you can find the ever-more-youthful emo trend (I don't buy that at all) from Hyde Park to Lincoln Park, Rogers Park to Beverly. In the suburbs it's in junior highs from Aurora to Schaumburg, Wilmette to Hinsdale, Homewood to Arlington Heights."
What the fuck was the point of that sentence, other than saying the names of a lot of White suburbs? Seriously, it took like three minutes just to type?
I'm not a great writer. I forgot how I was planning to end this, and I mostly just like to complain and make fun of things but I'm a writer still. Is this what I have to look forward to? Putzing around whatever type of music the kids are listening to because it's somewhat different from the bullshit music that scared the shit out of my parents, who listened to somewhat different music that scared the shit out of their parents, who rebelled against their parents by listening to the sleazy scary sounds of American big band in the 20s and 30s and maybe even jazz? Fuck it. Find the article, it's good for a laugh.
[Listening: Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere]
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