oscar predictions 2005
my oscar predictions
jamie foxx will be treated like an ugly will smith and, barring any In Living Colour relapses, sop up the adoration of greyhaired whte people. I doubt such a relapse; jamie will most likely ignore the Wayans brothers' attempts to get a photo with him as he passes them on the red carpet
oh that wacky paris hilton! she's going home with a man tonight who is not her husband for the sex outside the means of procreation
though the jokes will be more scripted and soft-pedaling than ever, out of fear that an unscripted moment would result in FCC backlash that would dismantle the Academy leaving people unable to watch movies ever again, chris rock will manage to offend my Uncle Haishe and Aunt Rosalyn, as well as many people of their age and tax bracket. a winking joke will be made towards "j.Lo", a hinting joke will be made at michael jackson's expense, and more than one mention of "Governor Shwarzenegger" and "wardrobe malfunction". Mr. Rock will try his hardest not to use the word "tittie"
also, despite the extreme caution aforementioned the show will run ungodly long for the 77th year in a row
paul giamatti will be sitting in the back, near peter jackson (who will be inexplicably cut to a number of times) and michael moore (who will be booed)...in that beautiful place where the lights are all dimmer and the cameras never completely focus
oh that wacky courtney love! her carreer peeked about a decade ago, probably because she has had trouble weening herself off of drugs
out of rote, people will say that they miss billy crystal. no one will really remember why.
rumors will spread from seat filler to seat filler that steve buscemi haunts the halls many balconies, ctairwells and underground passages once the lights go out
can anyone say "this year's Lifetime Achievement Award Leni Riefenstahl"?
no less than 40 of Hollywood's prominent actresses (and at least 7 ineffectual starreyed models) will display no less than 94 of the worlds most prominent nipples. as they are framed by the shearest and most expensive of silks, midwesterners will be barred from complaining
dance number dance number dance number
johnny depp will continue to not get his due respect from the Academy, yet somehow manage to live a life greater than you and i can fathom. when i'm forty i won't look as good as the heel of his foot and will have been walked on tenfold more.
oh that wacky anna nicole smith! once a celebrated beauty and top model, a decade of scandal and lawsuit have left her emtionally ravaged with the rotective mentality of a rich orphan....a bungled mess of diet pills, pain killers, and most-likely dubiously prescribed anti depressants, she is incoherent and falls over. there she goes again. my, the oscars are fun !
movies will win awards. as will people. my money's on scorcese. people like scorcese.
jamie foxx will be treated like an ugly will smith and, barring any In Living Colour relapses, sop up the adoration of greyhaired whte people. I doubt such a relapse; jamie will most likely ignore the Wayans brothers' attempts to get a photo with him as he passes them on the red carpet
oh that wacky paris hilton! she's going home with a man tonight who is not her husband for the sex outside the means of procreation
though the jokes will be more scripted and soft-pedaling than ever, out of fear that an unscripted moment would result in FCC backlash that would dismantle the Academy leaving people unable to watch movies ever again, chris rock will manage to offend my Uncle Haishe and Aunt Rosalyn, as well as many people of their age and tax bracket. a winking joke will be made towards "j.Lo", a hinting joke will be made at michael jackson's expense, and more than one mention of "Governor Shwarzenegger" and "wardrobe malfunction". Mr. Rock will try his hardest not to use the word "tittie"
also, despite the extreme caution aforementioned the show will run ungodly long for the 77th year in a row
paul giamatti will be sitting in the back, near peter jackson (who will be inexplicably cut to a number of times) and michael moore (who will be booed)...in that beautiful place where the lights are all dimmer and the cameras never completely focus
oh that wacky courtney love! her carreer peeked about a decade ago, probably because she has had trouble weening herself off of drugs
out of rote, people will say that they miss billy crystal. no one will really remember why.
rumors will spread from seat filler to seat filler that steve buscemi haunts the halls many balconies, ctairwells and underground passages once the lights go out
can anyone say "this year's Lifetime Achievement Award Leni Riefenstahl"?
no less than 40 of Hollywood's prominent actresses (and at least 7 ineffectual starreyed models) will display no less than 94 of the worlds most prominent nipples. as they are framed by the shearest and most expensive of silks, midwesterners will be barred from complaining
dance number dance number dance number
johnny depp will continue to not get his due respect from the Academy, yet somehow manage to live a life greater than you and i can fathom. when i'm forty i won't look as good as the heel of his foot and will have been walked on tenfold more.
oh that wacky anna nicole smith! once a celebrated beauty and top model, a decade of scandal and lawsuit have left her emtionally ravaged with the rotective mentality of a rich orphan....a bungled mess of diet pills, pain killers, and most-likely dubiously prescribed anti depressants, she is incoherent and falls over. there she goes again. my, the oscars are fun !
movies will win awards. as will people. my money's on scorcese. people like scorcese.
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