at his prime, the number on michael jordan's jersey was the same as my age .......

it's a magic number in this city
and i've got 9.8 months to piss it away

my dreams last night portended
disaster and personal breakdown at best
and cannibalism at worst

my nose will run rivers of snot down my cheeks
and in rivers my blood will run through the streets

i will run
from all the people who've found me out as a charlatan
which is nothing but a fancy word for fraud

it was not so much an anxiety attack as
fear
it was
people are trying to get me
and things that are not people are trying to get me
and i am the cause

i look like i did
three years ago
when i traveled in packs always and it always felt honest
i did not have to lift my feet that night
i had three legs, two boots and a staff
carried in the arms of strong men that night
from place to place and port to port
kissed a dozen girls and slept alone
drunk and curled like a cat

i forget that that man
would never pass for me
we don't look at all alike
we just weight the same
and we're still anchored by doc martens and personal insecurity

i am suffering from depression and ennui
they should not be able to come holding hands

i've spent the day chewing caffeinated gum, chocolate, and fake cheese
midnight offers no surprises
as to who i'm kissing
i've never spent two consecutive New Years in love with the same person
it's wonderful and scary, terrible beyond belief and a personal triumph

my year has been
consistent
in both ups and downs
charles dickens said it best
and he says it best when paraphrased by bill murray and muppets
a thousand monkeys and a thousand typewriters
but then...
he didn't say it in that story

i spent a year in three cities, where two were ravaged by god and government
i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop
but i don't have that many legs anymore
perhaps i'll be here forever

letting waves pass me by, but never getting swept up

thank you for being part of my last year and my life
i wish you health and wealth, that you reach the full promise of your potential
i don't know if you make wishes on new years
but when the ball drops
(and there is no ball, dropping in this city)
i will pass the words
that whisper through
with every candle i have ever extingushed

it has eluded me yet
for every wish i've made the last ten years
but i'll make it again

you're not supposed to speak your wishes
if you want them to come true
but i've given up on nonsense for 2006
i've given up on nonsense but i still believe in wishes
and blogging is far from speaking anyway

at twelve tonight
when we kiss
i will pass to you
the word
"happiness"
and
Sarah
(look, I used your name)

I hope
this year
you get it