Operation

outside my window
is Mecca and the Western Wall
all day long people bow at walls and
butt heads because
they lack moral compass

I understand this shit
I'm nine years old
almost ten
and I have to watch the news to fall asleep
if you can call it that
news. sleep.

I dream of flying
my parents don't have a car anymore

every morning
at school
we pray
because Tommy S's brother is in Kuwait

outside my window
is Mecca, is the wailing wall
More bombs than Hollywood
Dad says to the TV with his trigger finger on the clicker
he's right
more flashbulbs too
a million lenses
under a million microscopes
all wrapped in paper

Tommy G says that you can't blow up sand
any more'n you can blow up water
you might be able to kill a couple things
but you drop a bomb in the desert
and it's still a desert, drop a bomb in the ocean
it's still the ocean
even with a nuke

we wrote letters to the soldiers today in Library
most of us drew pictures
Mikle J drew a picture of a girl
with big boobs
and said it was our teacher.
he sealed the envelope before anyone could catch him
I drew a picture of a landwalker from Star Wars
cuz I saw something that looked like it on TV last night

I didn't know how to adress my envelope
the other kids layghed
I guess they'd all done mail before

my last home didn't have a window
No Mecca. No Western Wall.
there were pipes that moaned like dying men and spiders
floor boards
above me
I used to think my Dad was dancing
upstairs
it was a stupid idea TV gave me
he wasn't dancing
any more than he was fucking my Mom
footsteps
tread into carpet like dead leaves
marking the roads from fridge to tub
from hopelessness to bed

Dad wears a mask,
behind the mask there is my father
the eyes are the same
in our new home
I've got toys he doesn't know about
little ones
in every pocket
that won't melt in the wash
marbles in the toe of my shoes
even my winter boots
robots that turn into jungle cats
calculators that turn into drug wars
blocks that turn into pistols

Dad moved us
out here
to get away from it all
but my windows say the same things
it's all just winter temperature, TV stations and latitude lines
that seperate panhandlers here from back home
if the war is over when I'm old enough
I'll move too
if it isn't, I'll do what I'm supposed to
Tommy C says that if you don't do what the government tells you to
they take your balls
and Dad says
those are all I got

["Operation" is a sequel to this]