Hypathetical Nonsense

Say there's a video online, of Fran Drescher eating out Rosie Perez. Would you watch it? Even if your volume was broken and you couldn't turn it down? I would. I'd probably get off, too. Those are two attractive older ladies.

Meanwhile,
Jack Black has a new movie, where he does a fat impression of Diego Montoya.

At my graduation party the other day, I had to listen as friends and friends-of-family told me how much I AM Jack Black.

Here's a chronological list of the fat comedians I've been compared to:
1. John Belushi (1992-1994)
2. Chris Farley (1995-2001)
3. Jack Black (2001 - present)

It could be worse. My friend Duo is one of the funniest people I've ever met. He's also black and skinny, and only gets compared to skinny, black comedians like Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. Personally, I think he's got a real Mitch Hedburg style to him.

I have just one question: How the fuck was I like Chris Farley?
When will people understand that the only things they can safely compare me to are Muppets?

Watching: Shaolin Soccer