my racist scholarship application
This Spring was a turbulent time for me. I was between houses, and it looked as though I might end up surfing couches. I had finished my tenure at Columbia, both as a student and an student worker with little prospect for regular employment. I was at a crossroads and everything was changing too fast for me. I needed steadiness, so I went where I always go in times like that, StormFront.org, website of the Aryan Brotherhood, where everybody thinks the same way and change is unwelcome.
Dicking around for a while, I found their scholarship. Two thousand dollars from David Duke and the White Brotherhood, and all I had to do was write an essay! First I checked the elligibility, and I was surprised to learn that I was not excluded from entering. You see, even though Jews are persona non grata over at StormFront, their scholarship is open to anybody who checked the White/European box on their enrollment forms. For years I've railed against the fact that there's no "Jewish/Semitic" box to check to no avail. Now, finally, being kicked out of Lithuania, Russia, Poland, Germany and Spain was going to pay off!
The premise of the scholarship, is that I would create an election campaign for a white politician named John Smith. Here, altered from its natural form of .pdf document, you will find the story of John Smith (part one)...
John Smith grew up in a house with no tools. It was rumored that his father had a paper bag in the basement that contained a single hammer, and assorted, unsorted nails, nuts, bolts and screws. He was not going to be the kind of man who worked with tools, he was a thinker. He was destined to be a leader, and though he was slight, he had broad, mental shoulders, strong enough to carry the burden of the great white race.
To lead he would need power. To get power, he would need plans. To devise a good plan he would need money, and for that he would need brains, which, luckily, he had in abundance so of course everything else fell into place.
Studying city plans at the library, he found his in, a loophole caused by his city's famous history of oddball gerrymandering. Unbeknownst to the taxpaying public, a new neighborhood had been created. Beautiful, unclaimed Landfill Square Park. Literally, it was the city dump and a couple post office boxes. One year later, John Smith, the unknown from uptown, was an alderman. He sat on the city council for years, building a reputation and developing a platform: Evolution.
Not the namby-pamby Latin of Charles Darwin, nor the paperthin politics of Charles' brother, Social Darwin, but a new theory, based on common sense (the science of the eye). He called it thus:
Common Sense Human Evolution Theory (CSHE)
He made speeched invoking both God and science:
"And God created a white Adam in Eden, everyone knows that, but what of everyone else? Could not the mud races literally be just that? Primordial ooze formed in Adam's footstep evolved to something similar? Adam too, we must remember, was made from the clay of the earth, the only difference being our Lord's touch!"
This wowed them. His theory required separation; his example was the zoo.
"You don't put the panda in with the python and you don't put the Protestant in with the Puerto Rican."
His idea was too keep the borders as they exist today, but to shift the populations manually.
"Just as time molds the lump of coal into a diamond, time has molded the Jew into a diamond-lover. Therefore, the Jew belongs not in Holy Israel, but in Africa, where he can contentedly mine his stone. As the Gay has evolved despite his backwards sexual practice, he would thrive in the most backwards of places. Naturally, that places him in the continent of Australia."
His ideas were new, revolutionary even, but it would take more than that to convince the thought-monopoly of the racial minority. Surely, he would be stopped, killed in the manner of all unpopular thinkers....
To be continued, maybe, in part 2 (but probably not)
Listening: Denizen Kane - Tree City Legends Vol. 2: My Bootleg Life
Dicking around for a while, I found their scholarship. Two thousand dollars from David Duke and the White Brotherhood, and all I had to do was write an essay! First I checked the elligibility, and I was surprised to learn that I was not excluded from entering. You see, even though Jews are persona non grata over at StormFront, their scholarship is open to anybody who checked the White/European box on their enrollment forms. For years I've railed against the fact that there's no "Jewish/Semitic" box to check to no avail. Now, finally, being kicked out of Lithuania, Russia, Poland, Germany and Spain was going to pay off!
The premise of the scholarship, is that I would create an election campaign for a white politician named John Smith. Here, altered from its natural form of .pdf document, you will find the story of John Smith (part one)...
John Smith grew up in a house with no tools. It was rumored that his father had a paper bag in the basement that contained a single hammer, and assorted, unsorted nails, nuts, bolts and screws. He was not going to be the kind of man who worked with tools, he was a thinker. He was destined to be a leader, and though he was slight, he had broad, mental shoulders, strong enough to carry the burden of the great white race.
To lead he would need power. To get power, he would need plans. To devise a good plan he would need money, and for that he would need brains, which, luckily, he had in abundance so of course everything else fell into place.
Studying city plans at the library, he found his in, a loophole caused by his city's famous history of oddball gerrymandering. Unbeknownst to the taxpaying public, a new neighborhood had been created. Beautiful, unclaimed Landfill Square Park. Literally, it was the city dump and a couple post office boxes. One year later, John Smith, the unknown from uptown, was an alderman. He sat on the city council for years, building a reputation and developing a platform: Evolution.
Not the namby-pamby Latin of Charles Darwin, nor the paperthin politics of Charles' brother, Social Darwin, but a new theory, based on common sense (the science of the eye). He called it thus:
Common Sense Human Evolution Theory (CSHE)
He made speeched invoking both God and science:
"And God created a white Adam in Eden, everyone knows that, but what of everyone else? Could not the mud races literally be just that? Primordial ooze formed in Adam's footstep evolved to something similar? Adam too, we must remember, was made from the clay of the earth, the only difference being our Lord's touch!"
This wowed them. His theory required separation; his example was the zoo.
"You don't put the panda in with the python and you don't put the Protestant in with the Puerto Rican."
His idea was too keep the borders as they exist today, but to shift the populations manually.
"Just as time molds the lump of coal into a diamond, time has molded the Jew into a diamond-lover. Therefore, the Jew belongs not in Holy Israel, but in Africa, where he can contentedly mine his stone. As the Gay has evolved despite his backwards sexual practice, he would thrive in the most backwards of places. Naturally, that places him in the continent of Australia."
His ideas were new, revolutionary even, but it would take more than that to convince the thought-monopoly of the racial minority. Surely, he would be stopped, killed in the manner of all unpopular thinkers....
To be continued, maybe, in part 2 (but probably not)
Listening: Denizen Kane - Tree City Legends Vol. 2: My Bootleg Life
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